From "Zero" to "Hero," or at least "Weirdo"

I’m not an athlete. I never was. I’m short and squat with limited agility or flexibility. I’m an average sprinter, but that’s only because I have some pretty powerful leg muscles. I can’t stop or turn quickly to save my life. I’ve always been a decently strong guy, and about the only athletic activity that I would’ve been suited for was weight-lifting (too bad I didn’t lift my first weight until i was well past 30 years old).

Ancient History

In my gradeschool years, I played little league soccer, outdoors and indoors. I was never very good. On the playground at recess, I was the kid that was always picked nearly last.

When I was in middle school, I played little league basketball. I was still not very good. We were a good team, though, and i had a good coach who still played me a reasonable amount of time. In two years of playing, I scored 9 points. Total. 4 baskets and 1 free throw--and 5 of those points came in one exhibition game. My only other memory of that basketball was fouling out of one game, with both my dad and my coach telling me that my 5th foul was “a good foul.” I had stopped a fast break.

I didn’t play sports in high school, and I certainly didn’t care for gym class. During my one year at K-State, the guys in the scholarship house where I lived (Smith House) would go play Ultimate (frisbee) all the time. I went once, and I was so out of shape that it was hell and made up excuses to never go and play with them again.

I hated running. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why anyone would want to do it. Sprinting I could sort of understand. Cross country, or any long distance, I would have rather poked out my own eyes.

California Dreaming

After I moved to California, I would play football with the guys when I could. I was a lineman, offense and defense. Didn’t have to do much but hit and be hit there. Even so, by halftime I was exhausted and by the end of the game I wanted to die.

Jesse encouraged me to learn tennis, so he started giving me lessons. After chasing a few balls, I was exhausted and couldn’t keep up. So he encouraged me to go running with him in the mornings. I tried about 3 times--we would go down the street and back, no more than a half mile. I would get back and I felt like I was about to die. Literally. I felt like my chest was collapsing and I couldn’t hardly breathe. Any time i’d try to take a deep breath, I’d break out coughing. I hated it.

I was a big guy, and I was ridiculously out of shape. I don’t know exactly, but by my guesses, I probably peaked at about 250 or 260 pounds. I turned 30, found out I had gout (a type of arthritis with very painful flare-ups). About the only real ways to control gout was diet and exercise.

Cold Turkey

I don’t know what triggered it, but one day I woke up and I decided to completely change my diet. I stopped drinking soda (I had been drinking 2-3 cans of mountain dew a day, easily--or more), I stopped eating fast food almost entirely and most other restaurant meals, and I cut back drasticly on pre-packaged and processed foods. That must’ve been about April or May of 2007, because I can remember Halloween later that year stopping by 7-11 to get my first soda in 6 months (and the only one I would have for about another 6 months). I couldn’t decided if I wanted root beer or mountain dew. I think I went with mountain dew, and had the buyer’s remorse.

Somewhere along that time, I lost my car and had to begin riding my bike to work (and anywhere else). Both Jesse and my girlfriend at the time started going to the gym, and so I went down to Fitness 19 (a couple of blocks away from home) and got a cheap gym membership and some personal trainer sessions (which were largely useless and I never even used all of them). I would go sporadically, oftentimes meet Jesse there and partner up with whatever routine he was doing that day. More or less. Him doing more, me doing less.

I hate snakes, Jock! I hate ‘em!

When I decided to hike through the mountains of Peru in 2008, I figured I outta get in a little bit better shape, so I started meeting my friends Adam and Mikey at the gym 3 days a week with a weightlifting program. We did a program including olympic lifts (cleans, jerks, etc), with weight increasing every 5 or so reps. It was the first time I went consistently. When I left for Peru, I was in the best shape of my life. Not necessarily great shape, but for me it was good. I survived the hike.

After I returned, I continued to go to the gym, but for a while it was more casual and occasional. And since I didn’t like to go in the mornings, and the gym closed before I got off work, my work schedule interfered and I rarely went. BUt I was living alone and I wanted to get back at the gym, so I decided to pony up and join 24 Hour Fitness so I could go to the gym after work. And since the only other thing I would do after work was play video games...well, I started going pretty regularly. Almost every night.

I think I smell a rat

It was during this 6 months that I started doing some serious weight-lifting. I would do squats, bench press, and one or two other lifts which I would vary daily. During that time, I was doing reps of squats and deadlifts at about 350 pounds, and benching 225. Before I would hit the weights, I would warm up with a 1-2 mile run, and then after I was done with the lifting, I would cool down with another 1 mile run.

It was also the first time I started regularly weighing myself to track my weight-loss progress. When I started that 6 month “program,” I walked into the gym at 220 pounds. After about 3 months, I’d dropped down to 200, and plateaued there at 200. It was the least I’d weighed since I walked into high school.

I went out to play flag football with the guys during this time, and I was astounded. I was faster, stronger, and didn’t wear out anywhere near as fast.

Then I changed jobs and no longer needed the late hours of 24 hour fitness, and so I slipped back into the much cheaper Fitness 19. But the heavy lifting had taken it’s toll on my body, and I was tired of heavy lifting. For the first time in years, I had evenings available and social obligations slowed the momentum I’d been using to convince myself to make it to the gym every day. It was easy to slack a little bit, and when I went I sent more time running on the treadmill and less time with the weights.

And I ran, I ran so far away, just to get away!

One day I found out my sister was training to run in a half-marathon. I downloaded her training program, and it didn’t seem nearly as bad as I’ expected. I began to strongly consider running a half of my own, and started running a little bit more on the treadmill at the gym. The treadmill is ridiculously boring to me, though, and I didn’t much care for it.

I played football one saturday morning, but as the afternoon itched along I felt like getting out there and running a little bit. So I went around the block rather than the treadmill at the gym.. Well, a 4 mile around the block.

I haven’t ran more than a mile on a treadmill since then.

One of the things that I miss about being so far away from my family is that they would often get together whenever my brother-in-law or sister or brother or whoever was participating in a race or climbing the stairs of the John Hancock or whatever, they would all get together to cheer them on. When Liz said they were coming out to California for Brad to run a half marathon in Disneyland, there was no way I was going to miss it.

I loved the weekend I spent with them and the opportunity to see what an actual race was like. I’d be thinking seriously about running my own half before that, but after that weekend I knew I was committed.

To keep myself accountable, I told everyone I knew that I was planning to run the race, and put my training program in place.

I followed the program pretty closely, and made sure to maintain a log of all my workouts (using MapMyRun.com and a home-made excel sheet). My training program (the same one Brad recomended and Liz used for her run) called for shorter runs during the week (starting at 2 miles and working up to about 6 miles) with one longer run on the weekend (4 up to 10) over a 12 week period. I stretched the program over 13 or 14 weeks, and I was very good about the daily runs during the week. I wasn’t quite as good about the longer ones, but I got them in when I could.

On February 6, 2011, after 3+ months of long training, my friend Chris and I rode out to Golden Gate Park in San Francisco where Mikey G cheered us on as we ran the Kaiser Half Marathon.

The first mile sucked. I don’t know why. Chris sped off soon after the first mile-marker, but I was surprised he stuck with me that long. It was okay, i knew he was going to run faster than me. I was okay with that. After about mile 2, everything smoothed out, and I started getting into a groove. At about mile 6 1/2, running through mid-morning Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, I looked over to my right and saw a nice pond surrounded by greenery. It was gorgeous. I felt great. I hear about that “runner’s high,” and I suppose it hit me full stride about then.
Mile 8 was right after we turned out of the park and down the highway alongside the ocean. It was gorgeous running alongside the beach and the ocean, no doubt, but this is where the race started to suck. No longer under the canopy of shade from the park, the sun started beating down on us in an unseasonably warm 80+ degree san francisco day. That didn’t bother me too much, though, I was plenty hydrate and had trained in warmer temps. What bothered me was the road--it was very rough. I’m sure I was one of the very few runners who noticed--I was running in Vibram 5 Finger shoes with zero cushioning. Anyone with normal running shoes would have never noticed, but every step was agony for my feet.

The marker for mile 9 was put on the wrong side of the street, which made it appear 2 miles further away than it really was. My thighs started cramping up a little before mile 10, and that caused me to stop and stretch. A gorgeous girl in a bikini-devil outfit tried to tempt me with bacon, beer, and a mcdonald’s breakfast sandwich. I felt like that was cruel and unusual punishment, and said so to the girl running next to me at the moment. She was in the zone, and didn’t hear a word I said. I didn’t pursue the issue.

The last quarter mile was the steepest uphill grade on the entire course. I knew it was soon, but they’d put it just around a corner, so you couldn’t even see it until you were practically through it. That last half-mile was hell. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. I was tired. Putting left in front of right and repeating seemed more trouble than it was worth, but the end was so close that you couldn’t stop or slow down.

But I crossed the finish line. Just a little over 2 hours and 20 minutes. My stretch goal had been between 2:10 and 2:15, my realistic goal was under 2:30, and the most important goal was finishing, period. 2 out of 3 aint bad...and I feel like I could have hit that 2:15 with better road conditions. Any way around it, I was completely happy with those results. Ask me then, say “Nate when are you going to run your next one?” My answer then, said, “Hell no. Not gonna happen.”

Pow! Right in the kisser’!

I took a week completely off from running or working out after the race. I had exected to be sore the next few days. I felt fine. I felt no different than any other day i’d gone on a 4 mile run. I definitely expected something different. I took a week off anyway.

I started mixing in weight lifting with shorter runs (and by shorter, I mean 4 miles instead of the 6 i was doing most days before the race), but I really wasn’t that into it. I was definately looking for something new as far as my fitness routine.

Mike Spain had been looking for a martial arts program to join and we’d talked about it a little bit. I even joined him for Aikido once, but neither one of us took to it very well. I felt so unsatisfied after the Aikido class that I went up to the gym and did some power lifting. Then he calls me up one day and says, “Nate, I joined this gym in Santa Clara (The Academy of Self Defense) to study Krav Maga. I freakin love it. YOu have got to come by and try it, they offer 2 weeks of free trial classes.” I told him I would go the next monday.

I’ve gone to 2-3 classes each week since then. The other day I told Ev, the senior instructor at ASD, that before I started Krav, I would’ve said I could hold my own in any given fight. After a simple 4 months of training, I know I was wrong. Sure, against someone else who didn’t know anything it would’ve been a wash, but it would’ve sucked for both of us. Now, i am by no means an expert or anything, but I know what to do. Against the average guy on the street, i’m pretty sure i’d wreck somebody’s shop. I’d walk away in better condition than the other guy...not necessarily untouched, but I’d rather be me than them.

Classes usually start with about a half-hour of conditioning & warm up, which usually consists of “run around the room randomly and when I tell you, punch the bag until I tell you to stop.” They mix this in with a smattering of push ups, situps, burpees, planks, and whatever other no-fun ab/leg workout they can muster. Don’t forget to scan your surroundings (you never know when your opponent has friends nearby--or the instructor’s waiting to whack you on the back of the head), and keep your hands up...you like your face, don’t you, don’t want anyone to smack it! Oftentimes we’ll do resistance training, where a partner holds onto a belt around your waist, pulling you back while you try to run forward or punch or whatever.

After working up a good sweat for half an hour, we “cool down” with some technique work. At the introduction level, they show us how to deal with common situations you run into in a self-defense situation. We learn how to deal with chokes and punches, posturing and pushing, headlocks and other times where you’ve screwed up and found yourself entagled. We’ve even learned some techniques to deal with (and disarm) knives and guns. Of course, the standard punches, elbows, hammerfists, knees, that sort of thing.

It’s a lot of fun. On top of a good workout, you learn practical, useful ways to respond to some worst-case scenarios & situations. The instructors are all excellent. In addition to being friendly and fun, they’re going to push you and teach you. Plus, it’s a good workout to mix in alongside the training for running my second half marathon.

The definition of insanity

I’m pretty sure Chris & I vowed never to run another race again right after the Kaiser Half. I’m also pretty sure we both started our training for the next one in October (the San Jose Rock’n’Roll half marathon). As I told my roommate the other day...the worst part about running your second half marathon? You’ve got to do better than the first!

On the first one, my only goal was completion. During my training I wasn’t overly concerned with pace or times. No such luck this time. What does that mean? Spending some time on the tracks doing speed training. Pushing myself harder on my daily runs. Some mock runs at race-ish conditions during the last month. Or something like that. Looks like we’ll have to see how that goes!

Those Left Behind...

And, because I have a few minutes to spare and I'm staring at my bookshelf, a few other books of note you may be interested in....maybe not on my all-time favs list, but worth the read:

• Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
• Steel Beach by John Varley
• If Chins Could Kill by Bruce Campbell
• Millenium by John Varley
• The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett
• Small Gods by Terry Pratchett
• The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
• Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabrielle Garcia-Marquez
• Wicket by Gregory Maguire
• Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlen
• Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield
• The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
• Gentlemen of the Road by Michael Chabon
• Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clark
• The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M Cain
• The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum
• Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
• Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
• This Is Your Brain on Music by Daniel Levitin
• Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet
• Walking on Water, Reflections on Faith & Art by Madelaine L'Engle
• Church History In Plain Language by Bruce Shelly
• Illium & Olympos by Dan Simmons
• Final Blackout by L. Ron Hubbard
• Battlefield: Earth by L. Ron Hubbard
• Emerald Eyes, The Long Run, and The Last Dancer by Daniel Keys Moran
• Lamb: The Gospel According to Christ's Childhood Pal, Biff by Christopher Moore
• The Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
• Born to Run by Christopher McDougal
  
• Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes
  

These are a Few of My Favorite Things...

So I figured i'd run up a few of my favorite...books. Because books are cool, don't require electricity, and anyone who says otherwise is a silly...er, well, something that's silly. Silliness would ensue. I have to say i'm extremely lucky to have a family that loves reading...heck, we even had a family book club on our last vacation (we read Life of Pi, which was definitely a good read). I wonder what we'll read for the holidays.

Apparently, my first favorite book growing up was Cars and Trucks and Things That Go by Richard Scarry. Although I was there--truth--I can honestly say my memory is still a little bit fuzzy from those toddler years. Probably one too many bumps to the head.

I graduate to the Choose Your Own Adventure series as I moved into the gradeschool era, but in the meantime I subsisted on a steady diet of Encyclopedia Brown and Hardy Boys stories. I can remember there was a period one summer that I was reading at least two Hardy Boys books a day. This was also the period I fell in love with the Chronicles of Narnia, which I read and re-read many times, as well as Madelaine L'Engle's Wrinkle in Time (and sequels). But my favorite book of all gradeschool--The Call of the Wild by Jack London. I loved White Fang & The Sea Wolf as well, but not as much as the adventures of Buck. Man, I read so many great books those days, like The Fabulous Flight by Robert Lawson, The Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell, My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George, and Watership Down by Richard Adams. There were so many more.

When I was in 7th grade, my uncle David & aunt Roxanne gave me a couple of generic military sci-fi books by David Drake, and so kicked off my sci-fi phase. If I'm remembering correctly, they were The War Machine and Rolling Hot. I would read tons of trashy sci-fi books by authors like David Drake, William C Dietz, Daniel Keys Moran, and a whole lot of other crap. I was a teenage boy--my tastes were questionable. I still enjoy DKM, but the rest of those books were largely forgettable.

Until I was in 11th grade, when we had to do a report on a novel by a contemporary american author. On the list under sci-fi was this guy, Orson Scott Card, and his book Ender's Game. So I decided to read it for the report (as did several of my friends). I think I finished it in two days, walked back into Waldenbooks, and bought the sequel, Speaker for the Dead. It might have taken me three days to read that one--it was a little longer. I desperately loved both of them (and ended up doing the report on Speaker since all my friends were doing Ender's Game), and thus began my Orson Scott Card phase. I read everything I could get my hands on by him over the next few years, and (at the time) loved it. I was still a teenager, and I still had questionable discernment on my literary tastes. As someone who has read a vast majority of OSC's body of work, I can tell you that they are largely forgettable. Some are passable, but there is no doubt that Ender's Game & Speaker for the Dead are phenomenal novels! I think Chris Focht said it best when he explained, “If I ever met OSC, I’d have to thank him for Ender’s Game, and then punch him in the face.”

It was during my senior year in high school that I would read (most of) two of the novels that would later (after re-reading) become my favorites. More on that later.

A little bit later in my sci-fi phase, I would discover Hyperion (and it's sequels, Fall of Hyperion, Endemyion, and Rise of Endemyion), which I still consider to be one of my favorite books ever. I can remember sitting downstairs in my basement room at my parents house, reading The Priest’s Tale out of Hyperion and thinking how horrible it would be to go through, an how well it was written. Both the Priest’s Tale and the Scholar’s Tale completely wowed me. I still love Dan Simmons. Great author, and I especially (years later) loved The Terror.

I went through a cyberpunk phase (inside my sci-fi phase), which was kicked off by William Gibson's Neuromancer and Neil Stephenson's Snow Crash, which may be one of my all-time fav's too. As much as I loved it, I never could finish his next novel (The Diamond Age) and didn’t even try his later works. I tried to get into cyberpunk's other founding father, Bruce Sterling, but I never much liked his reads. Though one other cyberpunk novel of note--Virtual Girl by Amy Thompson. Atypical, but excellent. Also short.

It was during the sci-fi phase I discovere two of the greatest satire/comedy writers out there--Douglas Adams and his wonderful wonderful Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Terry Pratchett and his wonderful Discworld series. The deadpan style of satire and writing from both Pratchett & Adams would be a huge influence on me and my own style.

As my tastes matured with age, sci-fi started to grow stale. Let's be honest, most sci-fi isn't very good literature. Sometimes fun, often not-so-good. But as I grew restless in sci-fi, I ventured out and tried new things. In this phase of discovery, I fell in love with two fringe sci-fi writers who helped bridge the path away from sciffy.

It may not be fair to label Connie Willis as a fringe sci-fi author. I would consider her an excellent writer & story teller who happens to use the sci-fi medium most of the time. That being said, she does have the dubious distinction of being the most award winning writer in science fiction! (at least as far as the Hugo & Nebula awards goes). When I read her novel To Say Nothing of the Dog, it was completely unlike anything I'd ever read before. One part sci-fi timetravel adventure, one part romantic comedy, one part Victorian mystery, and all parts rip-roaringly witty and funny. I would recommend this book to anyone who loves reading. It definitely finds a place on my all-time fav list. I went on to read several of her novellas, including Uncharted Territories, Remake (and the delightful and lovely character Alis), and her volume of Christmas short stories. I haven’t made it to most of her other novels, but I did read through what was (at the time) her latest--Passage. I think the best description of this novel is that it was about a person--the main character really felt real. The other plotlines--which had to do with near-death experiences and the Titanic (it works, don’t worry)--were interesting and supported the main character, which clearly drove the story. I especially loved the fact that Connie Willis is proud to be a christian.

My other fringe sci-fi writer was Jonathan Lethem. I read every book of his I could get my hands on, starting with Gun, With Occassional Music and moving on to others like Girl In Landscape and Amnesia Moon. All were very quirky, surreal, short novels that were almost more magical realism than sci-fi. I’d never read anything like it before. However, it was Lethem’s two more normal novels--As She Climbed Across the Table and Motherless Brooklyn--that really caught my attention. Motherless Brooklyn was actually a mystery novel from the point-of-view of a small-time criminal with Tourette’s Syndrome. I’d never read a story with the same sort of voice and flow, and you really felt as if the character was real. It was As She Climbed Across the Table that really caught me--of all the books I’d ever read, this was the one that I felt like it could have been written by me. The combination of reality with a little bit of theoretical science, humor, and a main character that could have been me...I loved it.

The biggest influence of Passage, As She Climbed Across the Table, and Motherless Brooklyn was to break me out of my sci-fi zone and into a more traditional fiction zone. The author that most characterize this next phase was Nick Hornby, perhaps most famous for his novel (and subsequent film) High Fidelity. Considering I may as well have been the main character Rob, I completely related to the novel. I read How to Be Good next, and I may not have enjoyed that novel as much (although I loved it dearly), I felt it was the better novel. I felt completely sympathetic towards the main character--the problem is the main character is wrong and you know it while you’re reading it! But you can’t help but side with them, even though you know you shoudln’t. About A Boy (which I wouldn’t read ‘till much later--i had to get over Hugh Grant staring in the movie) was quality, but the rest of Hornby’s stuff was largely forgettable.

Somewhere around there, I asked a friend of mine with highly respectable literature tastes for some recommendations, and they pointed me in the direction of David Eggers and his wonderful novel You Shall Know Our Velocity. I devoured that, and promptly read his other book (his own memoirs) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Both were brilliant, but AHWOSG especially turned my understanding of writing and enjoying non-fiction upside down. I puttered around in this new hip genre of creative non-fiction for a little while, but Eggers proved to be the top of the class. The only other title of note was Galatea 2.2 by Richard Powers, which blurred the lines between fiction and non-fiction like no other (and contains one of the greatest opening lines ever: “It was like so, but it wasn’t.”)

During this same time, I re-read several books I had partially read during high school senior english, specifically Catch 22 by Joseph Heller and 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez. I’m only going to say that these two novels may be my favorite of all time. Both are brilliantly realised, composed, executed, and works of genius that will be remembered for a long time to come. You will see these at the top of my top 10 list.

One day, while browsing at Borders, I discovered a book on the shelf titled The Road by Cormac McCarthy. THe subject matter (post-apocalypse) and the reviews (all stunning) allowed me to overlook the Oprah's Book Club selection. That novel was stunningly beautiful and haunting and poetic and dark and brilliant. In my curiosity, I discovered that Cormac McCarthy had written one of the most acclaimed english language novels of the past 100 years, Blood Meridian. Of course you can see where this is going...I went on to read Blood Meridian. Stunningly violent, beautifully written, and with one of the most iconic villains of all time in the Judge. Also worth reading by McCarthy, No Country for Old Men, which was excellently rendered by the Cohen Bros into a movie that does justice to it’s source literature.

After reading Blood Meridian, I became a little obsessed with many of these so-dubbed modern classics, books which appeared on such critical lists as Time Life’s Top English language novels since 1923 and others. I kept seeing one pop up on multiple lists that peaked my attention: Red Harvest by Dasheill Hammett. When I discovered, after a little bit of research, that Red Harvest had been the inspiration for many films, including spaghetti westerns and classic japanese samurai movies, I knew I had to read it. I picked up a collection of all 5 novels by Hammett (including Red Harvest) at Half Price Books, and fell in love. Having wet my appetite for detective noir fiction from the 30’s & 40’s, I moved on to the next grandmaster with Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep. Although flawed at times, The Big Sleep was more than enough to move me onto The Long Goodbye (so simple of a title, but one of my all time favs) and Chandler’s other stories featuring Phillip Marlowe. I think my favorite of his books may have been The Little Sister, though. The opening paragraph alone is brilliant. And I’ve been on a pulp noir fix pretty much since then (detailed further in other blogs), featuring other writers like Gypsy Rose Lee, James M Cain, and Ross Macdonald. There was a short detour for spy thrillers with Ian Flemming and Robert Ludlum, which were okay, but not spectacular.

Anyways, that brings me, more or less, up to date. Wonder what’s going to be next!

So, after that long diatribe (hope you read all the way), it boils down to this...my (more or less) top 10 favorite novels (or series) (in no particular order) (the Bible, which stands on a class all of it’s own, is not included because it really has no comparisons):

• One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabrielle Garcia-Marquez
• Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
• Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
• As She Climbed Across the Table by Jonathan Lethem
• To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
• A Wrinkle in Time by Madelaine L’Engle
• Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
• Snow Crash by Neil Stephenson
• Hyperion by Dan Simmons
• The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Falling Down, or How to Get Customer Service Before Customer Service Gets You

There was a movie came out back inh the stone ages when I was in high school called "Falling Down." It stared Michael Douglas as a recently laid-off defense contractor who falls off the deep end and cuts a violent vigilante rampage across the city battling gang-bangers, neo-nazis, indifferent shopkeepers, and consumeristic America.

And apparently some minimum-wagers. During his breakdown, he decides to stop by the Whammy Burger for some breakfast, and encounters a slight setback.

You can see the clip below



Anyways, Michael Douglas' character plays off the oft-heard idea that "The Customer is Always Right."

But this brings me to the crux of my post, which is really just a question.

Is good customer service providing the customer what they want, or what is actually best for them?

Take, for example, a situation which happens quite frequently in FedEx Office's across the country.

A customer comes in to the center with a laptop computer, and put it into one of our courtesy boxes to ship FedEx. The box is fairy generic, does not fit the laptop, and there is no additional packaging so the laptop rattles around in the box--but it's free. The customer then wants to ship this package.

This laptop stands a very good chance of being damaged in transit as is, and so I explain to the customer, "I do not recommend shipping this package in this box. I can't guarantee it's integrity through the shipping process. We have a box that's specifically designed for laptop computers. Would you like me to pack it up for you in that box?"

They always ask, "Well, how much is that?"

"$19.99."

They usually say, "Oh, no, that's too much! I'll just ship it like this."

So at this point, I have a couple of options:

• I can refuse to accept the package unless the customer repackages it. They'll probably take it to another FedEx center and someone else will probably take it (or they'll take it to UPS or USPS). This does not a happy customer make.



• I can accept the package, and add a comment to the computer which indicates that the customer refused to repackage the parcel after being advised of the risk. If (when!) the package is damaged, the customer would not receive any compensation from FedEx if they file a claim. The customer is likely to be pretty pissed-off.



• I can turn a blind eye and accept the package as-is (no comments added). The customer is happy walking out of the door. If (when!) the package is damaged, the customer will be compensated for the damaged item if they file a claim with FedEx. They may be a little miffed, but they have been fairly compensated.

So, which of these is good customer service, if any?

Is good customer service providing the customer what they want (the customer is always right!) or providing them what is actually best for them?

Talk amongst yourselves...

Novelty Items

I've been writing a novel. Okay, that's sort of a lie. I say sort of a lie because I'm not actually at the writing stage. I'm still in the research/plotting phase. I've spent a lot of my life planning to write a novel, and even starting more than once, but I'm never organized enough or really get very far. In general, i'm not a very organized person and I never quite get past A to B and C.

The story(ies) will take place in downtown Kansas City in 1933, so one of the last phases of research/plotting will involve spending a day or two down in the heart of KC, walking the routes that my characters would walk and such.

After that, I'm going to have to sit down and actually do a pretty detailed outline. One, for my own benefit (I often get discouraged and stop writing when I come to a point where i'm not sure where to go next), and two because the style will require planning in order to pull off correctly.

Well, I say a novel, but that's sort of lying, too. Because i'm actually writing three overlapping novellas, each a unique plot and genre. Each of the 3 stories will overlap in characters, settings, and events. Theoretically, each story could stand on it's own, but when read together, they will provide depth to the overall experience. For example, one of the stories will be told from the 1st person persective of the character and in his story, his name will not be revealed (a la Dashiell Hammett's Continental Op). However, when he appears (as a secondary character) in the other two stories, he will be referred to by name. Also, the third story will be told in the form of a memoir and will present one scene in a much different (more favorable, less acurate) manner than the same scene told in one of the other two (impartial) stories.

Anyways, i'm just rambling. We'll see how it goes. Maybe more later. I"m almost done with work and I've gotta log off!

Will an eBook Bleed if Pricked?

This was my bounty from Half-Price Books today. The last ones in my Chandler & Hammett collections. I don't count their collections of short stories...by and large I'm a novel and novella sort of guy. Very rarely do I get into short stories.

I'm glad I didn't order the Lawrence Block book on amazon the other day.  I'm not a fan of amazon. Too convenient. No mystery or suprise when you finally find that book you've scoured bookstores for a year to find. Nothing you can feel. I feel the same about eBooks. Not a fan. I'm very worried they're going to completely dilute the pool of available literature. Half the stuff they publish is already crap...if every joe blow without an editor can e-publish...We might as well be reading fan fic. That's the quality standard to which we'll hold ourselves.

I do fear it will be difficult to track down some Carroll John Daly novels. They're pretty rare. But it'll be a happy day when I find some...

PS if you can't (or are too lazy) to read the book titles' it's: The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett; Farewell, My Lovely by Raymond Chandler; and The Girl with the Long Green Heart by Lawrence Block. I'll let you know how they turn out.

Phone blogging!

Well, since I'm apart of the google army, I might as well be able to update from my phone. So, in theory, you should see more phone posts.

Man, wouldn't it be nice if someone developped mini-blogs with a 1-2 sentence maximum size you could update at any time? That would be spiffy.

And now, for no reason at all, a picture of beer from the Caymen Islands...